I have a few confessions to make, (and since only one person reads this, I don't have to fear that my confessions will get too far), I'm fat, I miss being skinny, and I have no one to blame but myself.
I spent most of my life being fat. There were girls who called me "chubbo", talk about a blow to one's self-esteem. Then, one day I got skinny. And by one day, I actually mean one year. My senior year in high school to be exact. Anyways I'm getting sidetracked here, I got skinny, mostly because I was super busy and had virtually no time to eat, and I slowly got smaller. Now, I feel it should be admitted that by skinny, I mean skinny for me, not actually skinny, just nearly normal.
I really liked being skinny. It made me feel good. For the first time in my life I liked to shop. Clothes were finally fun. I spent a ridiculous amount of money dressing my new frame, and man it was fun. Now, flash forward a few years, I was the smallest I had ever been when I got engaged. I wore a wedding dress in a size that made me proud. Then, interwebs, it happened. I got married and I got fat.
Now it didn't happen overnight, but slowly over time, I got fat. Married introduced schedule into my eating world, schedule that I hadn't had for years. Scheduled eating of not so good for me foods made me fat. Then, to make matters worse, I got pregnant. Pregnant made me fat too, not nearly as fat as it should have because Wee One decided five weeks early was a good time to be born, but trust me that's another post entirely.
To recap: fat, skinny, married, fat, pregnant. Brings us to right now. I'm still fat, though just married fat, I have thankfully lost all the pregnant weight, not because I worked at it but because of the early arrival. And I can't seem to get skinny, but as I mentioned before I have absolutely no one to blame but myself. Well, myself and the cupcakes, chocolate, cookies, cheeseburgers, fries, ice cream, and frosting. Oh how I love frosting, the good homemade stuff right out of a piping bag.
So that brings me to you interwebs. I am now making myself accountable to you. I am vowing publicly to find that skinny girl I like so much. Now, let's not get carried away with this, I am not going to swear off all chocolate for forever, simply to only eat one piece instead of the entire giant bar. I also suppose it wouldn't kill me to eat a carrot every now and then.
I'm not dumb, I don't think a vow to the internet one lonely night will magically fix everything, but I'm pretty sure I know what will, publicly declaring my weight, on a daily basis. So, here we go: 165. Ouch that hurt. Some days you may get snarky to go with the number, but the number will always be there.
Oh my, it's like reading a page out of my own journal. Except in mine, 165 is my goal weight! I am naturally a bigger person. You know how on South Park, Cartman runs around saying that he is not fat, he's just big boned? Well, I am big boned, and fat on top of that. It's a slight disaster! I came to this point a while ago and decided to do weight watchers. After losing 15 lbs, I got pregnant. We'll, I had my baby and lost all of that weight again. Guess what? I started at the first of the year again. Lost 5 lbs and now I am pregnant again. Preggers with an eight month old baby. Lesson to be learned? Get on birth control. Other lesson to be learned? Weight Watchers rocks. It really taught me how to eat healthy while still having the yummy stuff that I love. i.e. Frosting. You are not alone in that! That's a weakness for all of us! I did WW online, and it rocks. It was made for someone like me, who has to be accountable to someone to make anything work. I am seriously not a good boss. I'm a better employee. So having the internet hold me accountable worked for me. Good luck in whatever you choose to do. It's so fun to make shopping fun. I haven't seen you in a long time, but you looked fab to me! To each her own though! The definition of "skinny" is individual. The only way to define if someone is fat is based on that person's "skinny" definition. Or, like me, if your BMI is 4000%! :)
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